my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
