Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
