If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
50% drunk capacity currently
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
