I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
