i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize