I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
