are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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