I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
