what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
