Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
