If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize