I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
