My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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