he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
