So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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