If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
