you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
