If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
