Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
