I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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