It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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