yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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