i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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