I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
