if i can run in heels then i can drive
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
