I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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