I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
