If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The Olympian is in my bed
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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