As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
