those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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