But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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