There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize