This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
