Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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