We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
