I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
