Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
