I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
