you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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