I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
