ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
