also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
