I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
