I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
