I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
there was a trapeze. enough said
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
