Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
