is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
