i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize