Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
