yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
