I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
