I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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