im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
