she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
