What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize