I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
