He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize