I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
4 words: hood of his car
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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