I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
