I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
