Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
