nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
