you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
