We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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