Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
A bitchslap is in order.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
