moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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