I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
