Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
