even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
