Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
