Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
