So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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