He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
