we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
