We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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