What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
tell me about the fingering
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
