Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
cat food counts as protein by the way
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Randomize
