Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
