apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
