hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
