You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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