Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
