let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
