I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
