During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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