wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
