if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
