he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He is an equal opportunity slut.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
