i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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