my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
