I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
