I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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