Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize