i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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