Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
