Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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