So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
