Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
