break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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