I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
