I just made out with a guy for $7.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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