I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
