Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
