Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
