I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
