my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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