I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
