I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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