There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
