like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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