It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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