The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize