no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
